Concept of Dream

“Do you have a dream?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Are you making progress to get it?”

“Err, maybe.”

It’s no longer a secret that people tend to have dream. Moreover, people are encouraged to have dream in our life. When I say dream, I was talking about a broad definition of dream. It could be dream as in ambition, expectation, etc. We simply can define it as a change of situation/condition into a better one.

I still remember the day when I was a cute child (no objection, please), people kept asking what my ambition was. What was my dream? Of course, I came up with a typical childhood dream such as doctor, president, superman, etc. Parents will usually be very happy knowing their child is having a dream. A good one. Not only that, success stories of people who get the success because they have dream are quite popular these days.

Well, not that I hate dreaming or expecting something good to happen. It is more that people forgot something when they talked about dream. Action (or should I say ‘consistent action’) wasn’t put into the equation. I, personally, think that this is wrong. It can be deceiving. People tend to focus merely on result, which is their dream. While, they forgot that in order to achieve the result, they need to do the right process. Still don’t get the point?

For instance, suppose I had a very big authority to help everyone to get their dream. Then, I go to a place where bad guys exist. I asked them “What is your dream?” They told me that they want to be a rich man with an authority like government. Then I said, “You got it. From now on, I appoint you as a governor in Jakarta.” Technically speaking, he’s got his dream. But, in no time, he’ll misuse the authority and start ruin everything; includes his own dream. What was wrong? I changed his situation. I made him reaching his dream. I made everything better for him. I give him a big event in his milestone of life. Yeah, I change everything for him! But I forget to change him! The character, the person is what I missed to change! He, physically, has been a governor. But, he’s got no governor mindset/characters. That is why he failed me.

Apparently, people tend to like event in his life. You can count how many people consider wedding, job promotion, winning a lottery, elected as a governor, etc are dream-become-true events. They are numbers. They are very happy when it happens. But, let me tell you something. It won’t last if they don’t maintain the event. Repeat the event. It’s not like throwing a wedding party every day that I’m talking about, it’s about loving your wife/husband just as much as you love him/her in your wedding day. Let’s see another example. You get promoted. For me, it’s only an event that won’t last long if you won’t work it out. You have to keep performing just like the day you be promoted. Do you see where I’m going with this? Dream could be less interesting than you think.

An everlasting dream requires action and that action needs to be done persistently and consistently. An instant dream would lead to another failure in your life because you might not be ready for it. When you have a dream, prepare yourself properly. See what’s needed to become that man in your dream. I didn’t guarantee that you’ll get your dream by doing this. But, if by any chance you got it, you’ll be ready physically and mentally (characters). You will use it wisely and it’ll last forever. Or, even if you can’t get your dream, believe me that you have already been someone else’s dream for everything you do to others. Because they’re not too blind to see that a better character lives in you. Nothing to lose, right?

Let me know what you think. This idea is flashing in my mind. I am afraid I lose it so I do some quick writing to wrap up in this blog. So it may be confusing for you. Just let me know which part confuse you. Let's discuss.

H.A.L.T

I was accompanying my friend to a bank. He planned to apply a credit card. He’s so new with the process that he asked so many things. Right there, he was assigned to a marketing guy. Based on the conversation they had, I presumed that the marketing guy was an impatient man. I could tell from the way he explained the process. Wait! He didn’t explain anything. He was bubbling angrily by using the banking language. That’s what I heard. Of course, we all know that the customer with lots of questions and the impatient marketer wasn’t a good combination. My friend felt like he wasn’t treated properly as a customer. So, he turned down the application.

What’s the root causes? It’s simply because of the anger or temper or … can we simply say ‘losing control’?

Losing control of ourselves could possibly lead to something bad. Well, it resulted that way most of the time. I like one of my friend’s timeline on Twitter. It says, ”Reasons why you don’t let your anger off in public are you might be not right and instead of solving the problem, you will blow it up.” So, we can conclude that losing control of ourselves is not beneficial.

Well, some of us would think that talk is cheap. Yeah, I know. Let’s try to figure out how to make it easier to avoid losing control. We probably can start from the symptoms. I myself define the situation that people tend to lose control. It’s HALT. What’s HALT? Halt (in English) shares the same meanings with ‘to stop’. In Bahasa, we have Halte Bus (which I believe halte is adopted from halt). Halte Bus is bus stop. In short, when we get HALT, it means we have to stop. That’s simple.

Okay, what does HALT stand for? They are Hunger, Anger, Lose, and Tired. Hmm, I don’t think it’s necessary to give illustrations of people that are in those symptoms. I believe that you’ve experienced it by yourselves. What should we do when it comes? These are the conditions we should stop. I mean, we must stop! Halt means we have to think before we act, but if we don’t want to think, shut up. It’s simple. When we start feeling those symptoms (like hungry, angry, tired or lost), shut up and think. By doing that, we won’t lose control and won’t let it off.

I am about to conclude. So if you’re thinking that you got a problem with temper, you’ve got the answers already, fellow. Please pay attention on those symptoms. When you feel those and then HALT! Remember, let the anger off in public is not beneficial. First, you may be not right. Second, instead of solving the problems, you’ll blow it up. To top it off, you will make a good relationship with others. Hey, that counts for me!

I guess this is just another frantic thought of mine.

Thought of Hope

There’s news that attracts me a month ago. It was about a mother whose son was buried under the ruins of building after earthquake in Haiti. The news stated that this lady was not giving up hope on her child’s life and somehow the child be found safely. The word to which I was attracted is HOPE.

Why ‘hope’? What’s so special about it? If we try broadening the thinking, then we’ll find that hope is everywhere; in everything we do. Let’s take example. We hope getting better reimbursement while we work hard for a company. Students hope entering the good university while they study hard in High School. Basketball Team hopes winning the championship while they sweat a lot during practice hours. Those hopes give them strength. It’s the only reasons why they keep doing the hard work, hard study, practice, etc.

Looking at the fact above, it's quite sensible if some said losing hope is dangerous. One could be so skeptic, pessimistic or even, ready to die. We can find example easily on this, let's say suicide by jumping off the building. They must be losing their hope on something. It could be love, future (as in jobs/career) or whatever. So if we don’t want to be like that, we shouldn’t give up hope. That’s the logic.

Wait! We’re not there yet. If I were asked not to giving up hope, I would prefer not to do it. You know why? I don't want my happiness and how I react be determined by something unreal. Why something unreal? Because, in my opinion, hope is just a perception created by each one of us. It’s in our mind. Why would we create it? Simply, it's to make we feel that our life is better and NOT to make our life better. I think this explains why we would kill ourselves if we lose this. We, basically, don’t feel that our life is good. And that 'feeling' makes you kill yourself. We're idiots.

To make my point clearer, let me give you an illustration. Hope is like a ship that is floating with an anchor cling to something invisible beneath the water. We don’t know if it clings well or not because we can’t see it. And here are the cases. First case, if we think that the anchor doesn’t cling well and the ship is bit shaken, we’ll probably leave the ship by jumping off it. Second case, if we perceive that anchor clings to something robust, we’ll stay and enjoy our time aboard. But the fact is we never know which one is right. We can’t see the anchor, can we?

See? Our mind is playing trick. We never know what happened to the anchor down there. The worst part is we determine our hope based on the situation. In that example, our perception is built based on how stable the ship floats. We stop working hard when we know that new recruit is adored by our bosses better than us. We stop studying when we know that only top 10 students will enter the good university while we are in 11^th at that day. But in fact, we never know what will happen in the future. Still, we believe in our hope, our perception. We really make it up.

We have a religion, don’t we? Or at least we believe that there’s a greater power than human being, don’t we? If so, just surrender every single thing to God! Nothing ever happened to us but everything did happen for us. It’s called ‘faith’. Faith doesn’t expect certain result, like a good one. It make us believe that every result either good or bad happen for us,. Yeah for our own good.

What about the mother I mentioned earlier? Maybe, just maybe, if the mother would have lost her son, I’m pretty sure that she won’t be disappointed. As she said to the newspaper,”Somehow, I know that he has the special God.” Well, she didn’t hope. She’s just having faith in God. And that’s different. What a frantic thinking!

Hey, let me know what you're thinking. :)

Adolf, Benn

Learning of Relationship

I know that Valentine is over. But it doesn’t stop me to write about relationship. Okay, I’m not that old or full of relationship experiences, I just want to share what I learned. That’s all. Before we proceed, I probably need to define what I mean with relationship here. I’m not only talking about you and your girlfriend. It could be you and your family, you and your friend, etc. Okay! I think I already covered all disclaimers.

1. Relationship is just like having a car. When you decided to buy it, you’ve got responsibility to take care of it.
This is rule number one. If you’ve got your hands full of something else, then don’t buy it. You will make it into untreated. Taking care means you have to spare sometime to talk to them, you have to spare some resources you have to help them (sometimes). So if you don’t want to do those things, forget about relationship. You’re not ready yet.

2. You can’t make someone love you. What you only can do is to be someone who can be loved. The rest of it is up to them.
It’s logic. You can control your behavior, your attitude, yourself. While you can’t control someone’s. Don’t bother with the result! When you did your best, your part is done. The rest is only a matter of someone’s choices.

3. Just because they don’t love you the way you want to be loved doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all of their heart.
The point is different head leads to different way. You can’t force people to do something like the way you do it. I got example for this. You like them to be beside you every time. But in fact, they can really care about you although they’re not beside you every time. So don’t get in to fight when you found the incompatibility. What counts in a relationship isn’t how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.

4. Assumption is the termite of any relationship.
Stop saying “I thought you will be home late.” “I thought you will know what I want”. “I thought…” Wow, you didn’t expect your partner‘s paranormal, did you? If it comes to hesitation, then you ask them. Don’t guess, but test.

5. Relationship is not about love but to love.
Love’s often associated as noun instead of verb. People focus on the result of loving, such as marriage. Whilst, the success of love is in ‘loving’ not in the result of it. This point is a bit similar with point number 1 except this point emphasize on verb; as in to love.

6. A relationship should consist of good forgivers.
Human errs. Being a good forgiver will keep the relationship last longer. So then you won’t waste your time fighting the small things.

That’s all I got. That’s what I learned from the past 2 years. I know 2 years won’t be adequate to be an expertise of relationship. But I believe it’ll help someone out there somehow. You can agree or disagree. It doesn’t matter. The goal of this posting is just like relationship; it isn’t to think alike but to think together. So, you’re more than welcome to share yours.

See you at the top, fellow!

Adolf, Benn